Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentines Day Reflections...

Today is Valentine's Day.  While for most, it is a day filled with chocolates and love notes, it has a far different meaning for me.  2 years ago today, I hit my lowest point as a person.  It was 9 months after losing Savannah, 9 months following what was my due date when she was still very much alive.  It was 9 months after going through something that no one should ever have to experience - the death of a baby.  Not only had I lost Savannah at 40 weeks and 3 days, but I had also experienced 2 miscarriages back to back.

At the time, I was very depressed and broken.  I felt that I had no purpose left and at times, felt that Eric and Jeremy would be better off.  I struggled to take care of myself and really just wanted to be with my daughter, Savannah.  It was a dark time, but one that I am thankful for.  Had I not gone through that, I would have never been able to get to where I am today.  And now, I am beginning to further understand my purpose as well as Savannah's.

Today, Irelynn is 6 weeks old.  It was exactly 6 weeks ago that my beautiful little girl's life was saved thanks to the education and wisdom I learned from Savannah.  It is also due to the team of experts that I surrounded myself with.  Dr. Collins of the Pregnancy Institute out of Baton Rouge, the Star Legacy Foundation, which I am honored and humbled to be a part of, spreading the wisdom and education they shared with me, and most importantly, Dr. Shwayder, my OB here in Virginia.  He never gave up on me and made keeping me and my baby safe a top priority.  I owe him everything.  While he was NOT involved in anything that happened with Savannah, he made sure he learned lessons from what happened and was just as determined as I was to make sure it didn't happen again.  While there are no guarantees in life, and everyone who is pregnant is not guaranteed a baby, he was just about as close as you could come.  I can say thank you a million times over to him and it would never be enough.  The same goes for Dr. Collins.

This year, as we celebrate Irelynn and Jeremy and our entire family, we look back at where we were as a family and where I was just 2 years ago.  Little did I know on that dark day what was to come,  It was only 2 weeks later that we found this beautiful house, which provided a fresh start for us.  And here I am, holding my gorgeous daughter as I type.  It's always important to remember that when you are at your darkest of times, there is always hope.  I hope that anyone reading this who is currently in a dark place can find hope in their future.  The most important thing that I realized is that my job here on Earth is not done, even though Savannah's was.  She continues to speak through me and I continue to share her story and her life with others.  While I wish more than anything that she was here with us, I can't think of a better place for her to be.

Dear Savannah,

I love you so much, my sweet girl.  We are so proud of you for everything you have done in your short life and everything you continue to do.  You have taught us and countless others many valuable lessons and no matter what, you will NEVER be forgotten!  While I can't wait to see you and hold you in my arms again, I know that I have more work to do here on Earth.  Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter and helping me and our family through our dark days.  Thank you for strengthening my faith in God and helping everyone who knows your name to be a better person.

Love, Mommy

1 comment:

  1. I just have no words. You take my breath away when I read about Savannah. What an incredible little girl, to teach so much to so many people.