Surprisingly, I am not sad. I am not angry. I feel completely filled with peace for the first time in a long time. I owe this completely to the people in my life who support me, love me unconditionally, and lift me up in my faith. I still miss my daughter so much that it hurts, but now understand the meaning of her life and how she has changed the lives of everyone who knows her name.
Last week, I received a phone call from Savannah. No, I am not crazy and yes, you read correct. The call came in on May 11th at 8:44pm. My husband and I were both home, a phone within reach of both of us. I was lying in bed with Jeremy next to me as he fell asleep, protecting him from "scary monsters." Later, I noticed the blinking light on the phone, indicating a voicemail. In fact, it woke me up again in the middle of the night. I got up out of my bed, picked up the phone, and put it in a drawer, and went back to sleep.
The next morning, I listened to it. There was no phone number attached to the message. It stopped me in my tracks. Here is what I heard:
After listening to the message with my untrained ear, I knew it was Savannah and I was immediately filled with peace. It was a feeling unlike anything I have ever felt before. I am so honored that Savannah reached out to me.
To the human year, it just sounds like static or white noise, but not quite. I had the sounds analyzed by 16 different people who are trained in spirit communications and the translation was:
"Mommy, I am here. Mommy, I love you. It's me, Mommy. It's me. I miss you. Hi Mommy. Hi, hi, hi. I love you, Mommy."
Wow. Gives you chills, doesn't it? Faith is believing and trusting when you do not understand.
My Dad sent me this book, "Burst" by Kevin Wells. IT was not the book that I was expecting to pick up and read, and it too, brought me peace and hope. I learned that suffering is a gift from God. In times of deep pain and sorrow, it is then that we are closer to God. He is not inflicting it upon us, but rather using it as a tool to strengthen our faith. It is easy to question and wonder why things have happened, but in reality, each person has had their fair share of tragedy. It is an opportunity for growth and a lesson on how we can do better.
Today, as 11am inches closer in time, please pray for me and my family. It will undoubtedly be difficult for us to relive moment by moment of the tragedy that unfolded, but we have forgiveness in our hearts and an unconditional love for Savannah for who she is, and not what she wasn't.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes about Grace, the amazing gift that Savannah Grace has brought to our lives and everyone who knows her:
"Grace is what God gives us when we don't deserve and mercy is when God doesn't give us what we do deserve."
"Grace meets you where you are, but it doesn't leave you where it found you." ~ Anne Lamott
"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." ~ Edith Warton
"I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains." ~ Anne Frank
Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven, my love.