Eric and I had been married for nearly 2 years when I experienced my 1st Mother's Day of 2007. I was pregnant with Jeremy and my husband was deployed. It had been nearly 60 days since I had heard anything from him at all. It was a day like any other day, except that I had this amazing blessing growing inside of me.
The following year, Mother's Day 2008 was very special because my son, Jeremy had arrived, and was growing into such a fun age. He was 9 months old and such a happy baby. We attended Church together. I remember it clearly because we arrived a little bit late to Church and in true Catholic style, the Ushers seated us in the front row. During the Offeratory, when all was quiet except the priest (who is blind) was saying prayers at the alter, Jeremy decided to take the pacifier out of his mouth and throw it about 10 feet in front of us. There were giggles but my face turned new shades of red. We enjoyed dinner with good friends and enjoyed our 1st official Mother's Day together. I remember feeling such unmistakable feelings of gratitude and love.
Mother's Day 2009 was again very memorable. I was very pregnant with Savannah, with only 1 more week to go. It had been a very trying and emotional week, but we attended Church and this time, there was a visiting priest. Upon walking in, they asked my husband and I to bring up the gifts and asked me if I thought I would go into labor during Church. I assured them no. Mass proceeded and the visiting priest did a homily about the miracle of being pregnant and the connection of the baby and mom in utero. Those ushers must have been at mass the night before and knew to be on the lookout for a pregnant woman. I don't remember what else we did or ate but I remember feeling love and joy at the what was to become our family in just a matter of days.
One week later, our lives were changed forever. We learned that Sunday, in Church, that the movement of Savannah that I was feeling would be her last. Now, everything looked different and would never be the same.
The following Mother's Day of 2010 marked one year of terrible deep sorrow, depression, and a dark period where I had lost my purpose. But with the support of my family and friends, but most importantly Jeremy, I was able to recover and celebrate my family. It was not the way I had pictured it, but it was what it was. As I looked around me and noticed everyone with babies, it was very difficult not to be angry and bitter. But I learned that those feelings would only continue to keep me down and that I had to open my heart to forgiveness. I had to embrace Savannah for her life and for the lessons she taught us in her brief life of 40 weeks and 3 days.
This year, Mother's Day 2011, marks another year where I have continued to heal while loving and accepting Savannah for who she was, and not what I wanted her to be. I have realized that it is a day of hope and joy and a time to remember all of our blessings and children no matter how long they were here on Earth.
It is also a time to remember those who have gone before us. I have 2 amazing Grandmothers who meant the world to me who I know are taking care of my little girl and I hope are smiling down upon us with pride. I am thankful for my own Mother who has raised me to be an amazing woman. I am thankful for my husband's Grandmother, who was such an amazing woman in her time but now is still full of love and a wonderful sense of humor in her older age.
I look around me at all of the Springtime symbols that goes hand-in-hand with Mother's Day. There are beautiful flowers and warm days and just an overall feeling of happiness. It's hard not to smile when you look around you. Just as easy as it is to look around you and feel the joy of the season and especially the month of May (my favorite month of the year), I make a concerted effort to look at all of the mothers, young and old, good or bad, and find peace in my heart that they, just as I, were given this amazing gift of being a mother. Every day is a blessing and Mother's Day is an extra reminder of the blessing that is to be ~ A MOTHER.