Sunday, August 15, 2010

A surprise call from the "red phone..."

I am so excited to announce that we have our 1st experience as Foster Parents!  This week, after a very long day, we recieved "the call" from the "red phone."  We were asked if we would take a little girl with special needs overnight.  We accepted and offered to keep her as long as they needed.  They told us that it was possible that parental rights would be terminated in this situation and without letting them finish their sentence, we said we would love to consider adoption.  How exciting!  So, another call came in asking if we would consider taking her older brother on a short term basis.  We accepted again.  Well, 2 days later, the older boy went to a new home, but we have the little girl.  She is absolutely precious.  She has many special needs and has lived a life of terrible neglect.  She is 2.5 years old, but can't walk or talk and has never been offered solid foods.  She has some vision and hearing issues, and deformities in her legs and feet, but a smile that will light up a room.  She has made some incredible progress in the days she has been with us and we look forward to seeing more and more in the days and weeks ahead.  I cannot wait until I can share her beautiful face with everyone!

In the meantime, I have had a few struggles.  She needed a new crib and I was tempted to use Savannah's crib bedding.  I had picked out ballerina stuff for Savannah.  It was my dream that she would love ballet as much as I did.  I began to cry while out running errands shopping for a crib and new car seat.  I felt like I was being a bad mom to Savannah if I used her things.  But I also thought that Savannah would want me to use her things.  For some reason, I just didn't feel right about it.  I ended up deciding to get her new stuff in a buttefly theme.  To me, butterflies symbolize new life and a new beginning and that is exactly what we hope for this little girl. 





My biggest fear is that as she grows up and learns more and more about Savannah, that she will feel like a replacement child.  In the many books and articles that I have read, I get it.  I understand that children who follow stillbirths always feel like a replacement and are treated differently.  Think about it ~ it is pretty hard to compete with a child who lives in Heaven and never had a chance to do anything wrong.  I sincerley hope that this little girl never feels that way towards us and I hope that Savannah never feels as though we are replacing her.  Even though I have an adorable girl to dress cute and put bows in her hair, she's not Savannah and she never will be.  They are 2 completely different people with different talents and intersts and passions.  I want this little girl to be herself and do whatever she wants to do (although I would like her to at least try some ballet lessons).  It's a hard thing to swallow and I feel like it's something I will struggle with until the day I die.  I just want what is best for both of my little girls and I want to be the best Mommy I can be.

4 comments:

  1. The fact that you are giving this little girl a second chance at a wonderful life, even if it's just temporary, is Savannah's grace working through you. What an amazing gift and my prayers with all of you:)

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  2. Congrats on the foster daughter! I hope that it works out for you guys that you get to adopt her. Beautiful bedding! You're an amazing mother Shannon and such an inspiration. You're a strong woman.

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  3. This is such a beautiful thing that you and your husband are doing. She is a lucky little girl, to have you as a "mommy", no matter how long it lasts!!

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