Saturday, December 17, 2011

2 years and 7 months...

Dear Savannah,

It has been 944 days since we lost you.  I'm not sure if it's the holidays or the Christmas Memorials we've been attending lately to remember and honor you, but there are times when my heart is just as broken today as it was that day.  I am always aware that you are not physically with us, but it seems that as we prepare for the holidays, I am even more sensitive to the fact that you are missing from all of our photos and activities that we are doing with your big brother, Jeremy.

There are times that the pain is so deep that I would give anything just to be with you.  I know you are safe and well taken care of by those who took care of me when I was little - my grandparents and friends who are in Heaven with you.  I know that I have more work to do here on Earth and more people to share your life and story with.  I just wish I could hold you in my arms again.  I wish I had been given the opportunity to look into your eyes or sing to you or tell you how much I love you.  I know that you know all of these things without me having to say them or even think them.

You are such a blessing from God and as much as I wish we were together, I find comfort and peace knowing you are in Heaven and well taken care of.  I think sometimes people look at me and think that it's been 2 1/2 years and I should have moved on by now, but I will never move on.  How could I?  You are my precious daughter who was conceived from love and woven together by God.  Your Dad and I are working hard on dealing with our grief, but I feel that it will be with us for the rest of our lives.

We have done our best to continue with our lives without you here, even though we know you ARE with us.  Your big brother is doing so well.  He attends a grief group for kids and loves to talk about his Sissy.  He loves you so much and remembers you in prayer each night before bed.  He talks to you regularly and likes to share his accomplishments with you.  I'm sure later he will also share his frustrations with his parent with you, but I know if you were here, you two would likely be teaming up against us.  And we would savor every minute of it!

Our entire family misses you dearly, every second of every minute of every day.  Your life's purpose is becoming more clear to me now and we are so proud of you for changing the lives of so many.  Most importantly, you have changed the lives of your Dad and I and your big brother.  It was hard to find the purpose through all the pain, and it still is sometimes.

We love you so very much and we remember you now and always.

Keep dancing among the Angels.

I love you so much,
Mommy

3 comments:

  1. Your grief will never be gone. Your heart will heal. You didn't grow this child overnight. A broken heart will mend and heal but the scars will be there forever.

    It has been 7 years for me and I have moments just like you.

    From one mom to another I hope our babies are dancing together with angels.

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  2. Love you Savannah! You precious angel!

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  3. I've visited here before. I love the name Savannah Grace. I can't remember if I told you that years ago, that is what I wanted to name my daughter. I'd love to have you follow along on my blog as well: www.roseandherlily.blogspot.com

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