Mother's Day Reflections 2012

Mother's Day is just a few days away and I find myself overwhelmed with feelings.  I am so grateful to have been blessed with 2 beautiful children here on Earth, but I am always reminded that someone is missing from our family pictures.  Most of my blog readers are here because you know me personally or you have suffered the loss of a child.  No matter how you found me, I'm glad you are here.

For those who have not lost a child themselves, I'm sure you know someone who has suffered a loss, whether it be through miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or SUID.  Our losses are very different, but we all share the same feelings.  We all share a lifetime of pain and sorrow because someone very important to us is missing.  It doesn't matter if you were pregnant for a week or 40, whether you gave birth to a live baby or a silent one, if you brought your baby home from the hospital or your baby lived it's entire life in the hospital.  Mother's Day is a reminder that someone is missing.

I am very fortuate.  I have an energentic little boy and a sweet newborn baby girl to hold on Mother's Day.  But I have many friends who do not.  This day is something they dread all year long.  It's hard to look around and see families with children who are smiling and happy and giving their Mom's handmade gifts and cards.  It's hurtful and I'm sure many of those friends will spend the day at home, away from the reminders of the day.  They are thinking to themselves "Am I a Mother?"

Those friends are just as much Mother's as you or I and they deserve to be celebrated.  They NEED to be recognized and celebrated.

Mother's Day is a day when we recognize and thank our Mothers and Grandmothers.   Some of them are also missing from Earth and this day will also prove to be a challenge and reminder of their grief and loss.

There are still others who dream of being a Mother, but struggle with infertility.  I was here myself just a year ago, and the year before that.  This day is a symbol of something they want so badly but have yet to acheive.  They cling to the hope of the children that are alive within their hearts and in their dreams, but have yet to make their Earthly appearance.

The most thoughtful and compassionate thing you can do on Sunday is to recognize with love and friendship those who are Mother's in the traditional sense, but also recognize and acknowledge those who hold their babies in their hearts.

There is a great organization, Star Legacy Foundation, which I am proud to serve on the Board of Directors.  They have a great page of suggestions of things you can do and say to those around you who may find themselves alone, isolated, or hurting this Mother's Day.  CLICK HERE for a list of Do's and Don'ts on special holidays or just everyday.  I promise you that reaching out to her will have a profound impact and mean more to her than you can imagine.  Speak with love, especially on this day, with these Mom's.  Unless you have walked this road, you really don't know what it's like ~ I promise.

Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers; no matter where your children live, they are always alive within your heart.

~ Shannon

Savannah's Life ~ nearly 3 years later

As we are approaching Savannah's 3rd Birthday in Heaven, I have been reflecting on her life and how it changed me and the lives of so many others.  As I write this, I am still unsure of where I am in the grieving cycle.  I still have bad days and sad days; days when I would give anything to go back in time to May 17th and done something to save her life.

Nearly 3 years later, I have felt a need to release ~ to release some of the anger, release the hurt, release the pain, release the anxiety, release the sadness, and release the grief.  I give it all over to God to guide my heart and my life just a little closer to Him.  I try not to think about the sadness of what was lost in Savannah's life and replace it with gratitude for the time that we did have and what her brief life brought into your world and our hearts.

Savannah is at peace in a world with no pain and no sorrow and although we feel those things here, we look forward to the day when we can all be reunited together again as a family for all of eternity.

I have written about this before, but each of us has purpose and meaning to our lives.  Savannah fulfilled God's purpose, but we still have work to do.  There are people to help, strangers to become friends, and hurts to heal.  We each have a mission.  What is yours and how do you plan to use your life to fulfill it?

Tomorrow, we will gather with friends and family to Welcome Irelynn to the World.  It is bittersweet in many ways, but mostly because we will gather to celebrate Irelynn's life in the same place where we last gathered with friends and family following Savannah's funeral almost 3 years ago.

Cherish each moment with your family and remember to always be thankful for your blessings in life.  If you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, clothes in your closet, and the love of family and friends, then you are truly blessed.

~ Shannon

Happy Easter

Christ is risen!  He is truly risen!

This is our family outside of Church on Easter Sunday morning.

After Church each week, we visit Savannah.  For some reason, today was especially hard.

This was our family Easter picture just 3 years ago, before our world was completely shattered:

 And now, we have a new precious miracle to love and enjoy.  We still miss Savannah every single day, but our hearts have widened to embrace and love Irelynn.  She is so special to so many people.

Happy Easter!  I'm so proud that we have chosen to teach our children that these holidays are not about Easter Baskets and candy, but rather what Jesus endured for our sins so that we could live eternally in Heaven with Him and with Savannah.

~ Shannon

Happy 3 months to Irelynn!

I cannot believe we are here, but Irelynn is 3 months old!  The time has gone by so quickly.  As I look back, it seemed as though my pregnancy crept by at the pace of a snail, and with good reason.  However, now that Irelynn is here safe and happy and healthy, the days and weeks have just flown by!  I'm torn because I am enjoying every second and at times I wish she would slow down, but I am so eager for the future.  She has developed her own personality, but overall she is such a happy smiley baby!  She loves her big brother, she sleeps 9 hours through the night, and loves to coo and dance to music.

At her last appointment, on her 3 month birthday, she weighed in at 12 pounds, 7 ounces and is meeting and exceeding all milestones.  As for me, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a total mess.  This is not only a milestone for Irelynn, but also this marks 3 months that I have not totally freaked out, wrapped my child in bubble wrap (although the thought has crossed my mind a few times), or refused to leave the house for fear of the world.

I tried to explain this to a friend of mine recently ~ I really thought my biggest challenge in life was getting pregnant.  Once I got pregnant, my worried immediately turned to staying pregnant.  After that, it turned into having a safe delivery.  After she was home from the hospital, I became fearful of SIDS, cancer, car accidents, viruses, and anything that could potentially harm her.  My pediatrician gave me a stern talking to about being overprotective.  It was easy for him to say ~ he had never buried a child or taken just about everything in life for granted just to have it ripped out of your hands when you least expected it.

But just like I did when I was pregnant, I pray to God.  I thank him for today and I pray that he will give me one more day with my family.  I am thankful for the gift of today because tomorrow is never for sure.  Sometimes I have to stop myself from those anxious thoughts once a day and sometimes 25 times throughout the day, but when I pray, it seems to end those anxious thoughts and brings me a sense of peace.  Just like with my pregnancy, I can only control so much and the rest is up to God.  He gave my husband and I three of the most precious gifts ever and we make sure they each know every single day that they are a special gift from God.  Throughout all of the pain and sorrow, we are filled with faith and hope for the future.  I have Savannah and all of the lessons we have learned from her life to thank for that.

~ Shannon

What Marriage Means to Me: Courtney | Faith Permeating Life

What an amazing story this is to read.  I cannot believe that Courtney's son Zachary and Savannah went to Heaven on the exact same day.

What Marriage Means to Me: Courtney | Faith Permeating Life

Life is so precious...

2 weeks ago, after battling kidney disease, Eric's grandmother, Jody, went to Heaven.  It was sad and we miss her dearly, but we find peace in the years of memories and knowing that she is with her husband and Savannah and is no longer in pain.  She was an amazing woman and if you would like to read about her life, here is more:


http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/stltoday/obituary.aspx?n=mary-jo-chulick-griggs-jody&pid=155945577


In recent days, I have reconnected with an old friend who is sadly, battling terminal cancer.  She is in her 30s and has 3 boys.  She is a friend that I met nearly 7 years ago while living in military housing and lives about 2 miles away from us now.  Her husband is still Active Duty Military.  I wish I could do more than reach out with prayers and support and drop off a dinner.  It just seems like its not enough, but I also want to respect and honor her wishes to spend what time she has left with her husband and boys.


It seems like death is all around me right now.  I know that it will happen to all of us at some point.  I just hate to see suffering.  I hate to think about Savannah suffering.  I know that all of our departed friends and family are in a much better place than we can even imagine.  I feel torn at times because I absolutely adore my family here, but I still miss Savannah so much.  I know with each day that passes, I am one day closer to being with her again, but I have also been given the gift of one more day here on Earth; one more chance to right my wrongs; one more day to create memories; one more opportunity to tell the people I love just how much I love them.


As I held Irelynn tonight, I told her all about her big sister, Savannah and how she helped to save her life.  Her eyes got big as she listened to me talk and when I finished, Irelynn gave me a big smile.  I think the girls know each other, somehow.


Irelynn is 2 months old today and is doing so well.  This week, she weighed 11 pounds even, which was great news.  She struggled a little at first and was in the 13-15th percentile for height and weight, but she has since jumped and is now in the nearly 50th percentile!  I can see amazing changes in her face and body.  She is chunking up so well!  Every single moment with her is such a blessing and I will never take a second for granted.  I thank Savannah every day for what she taught me ~ to cherish every moment!

Valentines Day Reflections...

Today is Valentine's Day.  While for most, it is a day filled with chocolates and love notes, it has a far different meaning for me.  2 years ago today, I hit my lowest point as a person.  It was 9 months after losing Savannah, 9 months following what was my due date when she was still very much alive.  It was 9 months after going through something that no one should ever have to experience - the death of a baby.  Not only had I lost Savannah at 40 weeks and 3 days, but I had also experienced 2 miscarriages back to back.

At the time, I was very depressed and broken.  I felt that I had no purpose left and at times, felt that Eric and Jeremy would be better off.  I struggled to take care of myself and really just wanted to be with my daughter, Savannah.  It was a dark time, but one that I am thankful for.  Had I not gone through that, I would have never been able to get to where I am today.  And now, I am beginning to further understand my purpose as well as Savannah's.

Today, Irelynn is 6 weeks old.  It was exactly 6 weeks ago that my beautiful little girl's life was saved thanks to the education and wisdom I learned from Savannah.  It is also due to the team of experts that I surrounded myself with.  Dr. Collins of the Pregnancy Institute out of Baton Rouge, the Star Legacy Foundation, which I am honored and humbled to be a part of, spreading the wisdom and education they shared with me, and most importantly, Dr. Shwayder, my OB here in Virginia.  He never gave up on me and made keeping me and my baby safe a top priority.  I owe him everything.  While he was NOT involved in anything that happened with Savannah, he made sure he learned lessons from what happened and was just as determined as I was to make sure it didn't happen again.  While there are no guarantees in life, and everyone who is pregnant is not guaranteed a baby, he was just about as close as you could come.  I can say thank you a million times over to him and it would never be enough.  The same goes for Dr. Collins.

This year, as we celebrate Irelynn and Jeremy and our entire family, we look back at where we were as a family and where I was just 2 years ago.  Little did I know on that dark day what was to come,  It was only 2 weeks later that we found this beautiful house, which provided a fresh start for us.  And here I am, holding my gorgeous daughter as I type.  It's always important to remember that when you are at your darkest of times, there is always hope.  I hope that anyone reading this who is currently in a dark place can find hope in their future.  The most important thing that I realized is that my job here on Earth is not done, even though Savannah's was.  She continues to speak through me and I continue to share her story and her life with others.  While I wish more than anything that she was here with us, I can't think of a better place for her to be.

Dear Savannah,

I love you so much, my sweet girl.  We are so proud of you for everything you have done in your short life and everything you continue to do.  You have taught us and countless others many valuable lessons and no matter what, you will NEVER be forgotten!  While I can't wait to see you and hold you in my arms again, I know that I have more work to do here on Earth.  Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter and helping me and our family through our dark days.  Thank you for strengthening my faith in God and helping everyone who knows your name to be a better person.

Love, Mommy

Baptism Gown Signifigance

The one leap of faith I took while pregnant with Irelynn was to have her Baptism Gown handmade from my wedding dress.  This was something I planned to do with Savannah, but instead, my Mom had saved my Baptismal Gown and we chose to bury her in that instead.  While I had hoped to pass on my Baptismal Gown, there was nothing else I could think of to bury Savannah in.  So, with Irelynn growing well and things seemingly going well, I contacted a local seamstress to discuss the project.

To my surprise, this lady was so compassionate.  It turns out she had lost her own son at the age of 3, so she was very understanding as to my anxiety but willingness to make this leap of faith.  She did an AMAZING job and it's something that I hope another baby girl can wear someday.  There is also enough left over to hopefully make a 1st Communion Dress one day!

I also had my wedding handkerchief that was wrapped around my Wedding Bouquet made into her Baptismal Bonnet.  And the blanket I held her with was Jeremy's Baptismal Blanket.  It was a beautiful joyous day, one that we weren't sure would ever happen, but it did and was such a blessing!  It was a LOT of dress for such a little girl, but you only get Baptized once, right?  God has blessed our family more than we could have ever imagined!

Irelynn is welcomed into God's Family!

Today, February 11, 2012, Irelynn was Baptized.  It was a beautiful Saturday morning ceremony followed by a lovely brunch.  Today, interestingly, is the Feast Day of Lourdes.  This is interesting for a few reasons.  My parents traveled to Lourdes, and my Mom prayed for me and our baby.  She brought back some water and while she was here over Christmas, she prayed over my belly and asked me to drink it, which I did.  It was a very emotional experience and little did I know how much the value of prayer and faith would play just a few days later.  So, how appropriate that Irelynn was Baptized on such a special day!  It was a day we weren't sure we would ever get to experience.

We were also blessed enough to have Father John David Ramsey Baptize her.  He is very special to our family for a few reasons.  As a seminarian, he gave his first homily at the Mass where Jeremy celebrated his Baptismal Rite of Presentation.  Jeremy was Baptized in the hospital as a baby when he was readmitted and facing surgery for suspected Hirshbrung's Disease, which he was later cleared of.  Ironically, the hospital chaplain was Father Dowd.  My maiden name is O'Dowd.  Coincidence?

Later, as a Deacon, John David assisted and participated in Savannah's funeral.  It meant a lot to us that he was so willing to be involved again.  He also comforted us after our 1st miscarriage following her funeral and has become a good friend.  He was since ordained and transferred to a neighboring parish.  We were thrilled that he was willing to Baptize Irelynn and it meant the world to us that things were able to come full circle.

After the Baptism, we gathered with friends and family for a celebratory brunch.  It was a wonderful day and although we were very tired, it was full of memories. 

May God Bless Irelynn, today and forever!  She is such a blessing to so many people and most importantly, has provided all of us with hope and faith.  She is a true miracle and blessing and was well worth all the pain and heartache.  I know that Savannah is smiling down upon her.

Sharing Savannah's Life...

For the 3rd year in a row, I was asked to speak on the Parent Panel for the training seminar "When A Baby Dies."  Last week, over 100 people (nurses, chaplains, social workers) all got to hear about Savannah and learn the lessons that I wished Langley had learned.  Every time I have told her story, someone comes up and asks me if my doctor ever apologized to me for what happened and sadly, I have to tell that person no.  Everyone feels badly for the way I was treated, but more importantly, I think people need to hear what happened so if they are in that situation, they can do better and learn from the mistakes and failures of Langley.  This time, my Mom was in town and able to hear me speak and took a few pictures.

It's something that I'm happy to talk about because while sharing Savannah's life, I am hopefully helping to ensure that no one else has to experience what I went through after losing my daughter.  While I realize no one knows the "right" thing to say, there is a long list of things that while well-meaninged, are very hurtful.  The speech was a success and more and more people have let Savannah into their hearts.

Afterwards, my Mom and I headed to the Olive Garden for lunch and a much needed drink.

And here is my "Mommy of the Year" picture!

In case you are wondering or going to be visiting the Olive Garden in the near future, the drink special is called Toasted Marshmellow Amore and is the closest thing to a grown up alcoholic chocolate milk.  It's so yummy I found the recipe and have been making them at home.