What an amazing story this is to read. I cannot believe that Courtney's son Zachary and Savannah went to Heaven on the exact same day.
What Marriage Means to Me: Courtney | Faith Permeating Life
Showing posts with label Stillbirth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stillbirth. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Friday, July 8, 2011
Sometimes, it's better not to ask...
Someone asked me today about the sign on my truck. I tried to be brief and not give a lot of detail, which, unknowingly, always leads to more questions. I never mind talking about Savannah at all. In fact, most of the time, I am happy to do so. Sharing her life is another way of sharing her with the world. After all, what good does it do anyone to just go on with my life and pretend that she never existed? What kind of mother would that make me?
Anyway, as the questions got more invasive and I explained more about what happend, I felt all the anger coming back. I have worked so hard to get to where I am today, accepting Savannah for who she is. I often hear the comment, "I just can't even imagine."
Well, allow me to explain it to you. Pretend that you are in a wonderful marriage and have a beautiful little boy and now you are expecting a little girl, which is secretly what you always hoped for. You go shopping and pick out the most amazing outfits and dresses from Strasburg and all sorts of online boutiques. You decorate the nursery exactly the way you had been envisioning in your mind since you were a little girl. Everything is going fine until you hear the words Down Syndrome. But, you know that you will love your little girl unconditionally and will do your best to be her Advocate for life. You know that the career of being a ballerina will not be possible but you focus on the postives and continue to anxiously await the arrival of your precious miracle. The nursery is ready, just as you pictured. The crib is ready. The carseat is in the backseat, approved installation by the local fire department. You have your bags packed with the most adorable outfits for the hospital possible with at least 40 bows packed and at least 3 pairs of shoes for each day spent there. She is your child, after all. There is a sign that you ordered to hang outside your front door that says "We welcome with joy and love Savannah Grace Renfro" and cannot wait to display it so that all of your neighbors who have been watching you waddle back and forth each day to the mailbox can stop asking you when the baby is coming. You have the Baptism scheduled for 3 weeks later and a Baptismal Gown that you yourself wore already pressed and waiting.
You think to yourself that even if your daughter has Down Syndrome, your biggest concern is how the older people at Church will look at her and wonder if she will be judged as she grows. Seriously, that is your biggest concern.
And then something happens. You go to the hospital and deliver a baby that is not alive. Something much bigger than your biggest nightmare has just happened. There are no answers, no explanations. You watch babies come out of the OR just having been delivered via C-section and you hear the woman in the next room laboring and the horse-thumping sound of her baby's heartbeat, who is still very much alive. And you have nothing.
You go home and look in the backseat of your car as your husband drives. You see the empty carseat, the handmade blankets you had to cover that newborn baby still folded up, unused. You return home to a nursery that is beautifully decorated but no baby to enjoy it. You look at the closet full of clothes, all still with tags on it that extend from Newborn sizes to 4T, because you learned with your son that no child stays in Newborn sizes for long. You were smarter and bought ahead so the seasons would match up. You notice the 3 long strands of ribbon that neatly hold each and every bow that you found to be just perfect for your daughter and the shoe rack that holds more shoes than any girl would ever possibly need. You see that sign that you were waiting to put up, layed out neatly on the bed that was decorated to match the nursery bedding so you could stay up late at night to nurse your daughter.
The nursery is too much to take, so you walk into the kitchen and see all of the Dr. Browns bottles neatly lined up from smallest to tallest. Maybe the kitchen wasn't such a good place to go. The garage has to be safer. There you find the cases and cases of diapers that you stocked up on because you knew exactly how long she would be in each size. It's all staring you in the face, but you have nothing.
That's how it felt. I still go back to that time and re-live every single moment of the devastation and sadness and anger. You can't imagine what it's like? There you go. Try to imagine it. It's the worst possible nightmare that can happen. And sadly, it can happen to anyone when they least expect it.
Eric and I are older, but not too old. We are both college educated and smart people. We are not low-income or low intelligence or low socio-economic class. We are Republicans after all! This isn't supposed to happen to people like us. But it did. It happens more often than you think. It happens to good people. Sometimes, life just isn't fair and there is nothing you can do about it. I'm not sharing this to scare anyone, but rather to help people understand what it's like.
Maybe one day, this won't be such a taboo topic. Maybe someday, this won't happen anymore.
All I know is that it did happen, and it happened to me. If this happens to someone that you know, perhaps you can be a better friend to them instead of saying "I just can't imagine."
Anyway, as the questions got more invasive and I explained more about what happend, I felt all the anger coming back. I have worked so hard to get to where I am today, accepting Savannah for who she is. I often hear the comment, "I just can't even imagine."
Well, allow me to explain it to you. Pretend that you are in a wonderful marriage and have a beautiful little boy and now you are expecting a little girl, which is secretly what you always hoped for. You go shopping and pick out the most amazing outfits and dresses from Strasburg and all sorts of online boutiques. You decorate the nursery exactly the way you had been envisioning in your mind since you were a little girl. Everything is going fine until you hear the words Down Syndrome. But, you know that you will love your little girl unconditionally and will do your best to be her Advocate for life. You know that the career of being a ballerina will not be possible but you focus on the postives and continue to anxiously await the arrival of your precious miracle. The nursery is ready, just as you pictured. The crib is ready. The carseat is in the backseat, approved installation by the local fire department. You have your bags packed with the most adorable outfits for the hospital possible with at least 40 bows packed and at least 3 pairs of shoes for each day spent there. She is your child, after all. There is a sign that you ordered to hang outside your front door that says "We welcome with joy and love Savannah Grace Renfro" and cannot wait to display it so that all of your neighbors who have been watching you waddle back and forth each day to the mailbox can stop asking you when the baby is coming. You have the Baptism scheduled for 3 weeks later and a Baptismal Gown that you yourself wore already pressed and waiting.
You think to yourself that even if your daughter has Down Syndrome, your biggest concern is how the older people at Church will look at her and wonder if she will be judged as she grows. Seriously, that is your biggest concern.
And then something happens. You go to the hospital and deliver a baby that is not alive. Something much bigger than your biggest nightmare has just happened. There are no answers, no explanations. You watch babies come out of the OR just having been delivered via C-section and you hear the woman in the next room laboring and the horse-thumping sound of her baby's heartbeat, who is still very much alive. And you have nothing.
You go home and look in the backseat of your car as your husband drives. You see the empty carseat, the handmade blankets you had to cover that newborn baby still folded up, unused. You return home to a nursery that is beautifully decorated but no baby to enjoy it. You look at the closet full of clothes, all still with tags on it that extend from Newborn sizes to 4T, because you learned with your son that no child stays in Newborn sizes for long. You were smarter and bought ahead so the seasons would match up. You notice the 3 long strands of ribbon that neatly hold each and every bow that you found to be just perfect for your daughter and the shoe rack that holds more shoes than any girl would ever possibly need. You see that sign that you were waiting to put up, layed out neatly on the bed that was decorated to match the nursery bedding so you could stay up late at night to nurse your daughter.
The nursery is too much to take, so you walk into the kitchen and see all of the Dr. Browns bottles neatly lined up from smallest to tallest. Maybe the kitchen wasn't such a good place to go. The garage has to be safer. There you find the cases and cases of diapers that you stocked up on because you knew exactly how long she would be in each size. It's all staring you in the face, but you have nothing.
That's how it felt. I still go back to that time and re-live every single moment of the devastation and sadness and anger. You can't imagine what it's like? There you go. Try to imagine it. It's the worst possible nightmare that can happen. And sadly, it can happen to anyone when they least expect it.
Eric and I are older, but not too old. We are both college educated and smart people. We are not low-income or low intelligence or low socio-economic class. We are Republicans after all! This isn't supposed to happen to people like us. But it did. It happens more often than you think. It happens to good people. Sometimes, life just isn't fair and there is nothing you can do about it. I'm not sharing this to scare anyone, but rather to help people understand what it's like.
Maybe one day, this won't be such a taboo topic. Maybe someday, this won't happen anymore.
All I know is that it did happen, and it happened to me. If this happens to someone that you know, perhaps you can be a better friend to them instead of saying "I just can't imagine."
Sunday, July 25, 2010
May 18, 2010 ~ Savannah's 1st Birthday in Heaven
Today was a very special day. I travelled up to Washington DC to meet with leaders from the First Candle Organization, among others, in support of a Bill that is in front of Congress in support of Stillbirth Research, Education, and Awareness. When I was invited to speak, I was honored and I felt very humble. The date happened to be Savannah's 1st Birthday in Heaven and I could think of no better way to honor her or her life than to share her story and try to make a difference in preventing such a tragedy from happening again.
I left my house around 3AM. The seminar started with a breakfast meeting at 7:30AM in the Capitol, and it was about a 3 hour drive. I have only been to DC just a few times before and never by myself. We had just recently moved to a new home so I was taking a route I have never driven before. It was mostly rural and there were no major freeways until I got actually into DC. It was dark and pouring rain when I left the house.
I arrived and was welcomed by everyone involved. The speakers at the breakfast really opened my eyes about this bill and about so many other issues. I know quite a bit about Stillbirth, because that was my experience. However, I was shocked at how little I knew about SUID and SUDC. SUID stands for Sudden Unexplained Infant Death. This category includes SIDS and accidental suffocation. SUDC stands for Sudden Unexplained Death in Children, primarily ages 1-4. I had no idea that there were over 200 deaths per year in the US in children that were unexplained. Probably not the best information for an already overprotective mom of a toddler, but I always said with Savannah, I wished I would have known better and I could have saved her life. I met parents of all of these categories and I was shocked at how there is no collection of data or studies of these statistics in an effort to trace trends and work towards prevention.
Remember the SIDS - Back to Sleep campaign of the early '90s? The rates of SIDS dropped dramatically within years because someone took the time to do some reasearch, study the statistics, and come up with an easy message to communicate to everyone. And it worked! Wouldn't it be great if preventing stillbirth was that easy?
Our large group broke and we met with groups from our State. Then we were off! First, we visited with Senator Jim Webb's Office. It was interesting because right down the hall is Senator John McCain's Office. I was a HUGE McCain/Palin supporter, and I almost was in shock and I walked past him. I was so close I literally could have knocked him down. You would have thought I was a teenager meeting N'Sync or some great movie star. I had my camera in hand too but I couldn't register until I got into Senator Webb's Office. I texted my husband and tried to re-focus on the task at hand. I did peek back out to make sure it was really him. It was.
The meeting with Senator Webb's office went really well. I had done some thorough research into Senator Webb and his family. Interstingly, he has a daughter who is 4, a very cute girl named Georgia. How tragic to think that even his daughter could fall victim to a totally random statistic of SUDC. Then we met with Senator Mark Warner's Office. These meetings were fairly routine. We talked about the Bill, then told our stories, and emphasized why becoming a co-sponsor was so important. I tried not to think about how we were meeting with Democrats. I have thick Republican Blood running through my veins but I had to put all that aside for the greater good of this Bill.
We had lunch and then it was off to meetings with the Congressmen. We met with around 4 or 5 different offices. The meeting with my Congressman, Rob Wittman, was the last one of the day. Wouldn't you know that it was probably the most successful meeting AND I got a photo opp!
As I drove home (quickly so that Eric could make it to work), I thought about the day and all that had been accomplished. I will never know if my making the journey did anything, but I know it did more than if I had spent the day at home crying in bed. No matter what day it is or what's going on, I strive to be a good Mommy to Savannah and to make her proud. She deserves nothing less. While her death could have easily been prevented, so many others are not. I just know if we could get this Bill passed, it would be a great start and doesn't everything have to start somewhere?
Please read this link to the Bill and email your Congressman or Congresswoman as well as your Senators and let them know how these issues have impacted your life. Please urge them to support and co-sponsor this bill. Every little bit helps make a difference.
http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h3212/show
Happy Birthday, Savannah. You are so loved!
I left my house around 3AM. The seminar started with a breakfast meeting at 7:30AM in the Capitol, and it was about a 3 hour drive. I have only been to DC just a few times before and never by myself. We had just recently moved to a new home so I was taking a route I have never driven before. It was mostly rural and there were no major freeways until I got actually into DC. It was dark and pouring rain when I left the house.
I arrived and was welcomed by everyone involved. The speakers at the breakfast really opened my eyes about this bill and about so many other issues. I know quite a bit about Stillbirth, because that was my experience. However, I was shocked at how little I knew about SUID and SUDC. SUID stands for Sudden Unexplained Infant Death. This category includes SIDS and accidental suffocation. SUDC stands for Sudden Unexplained Death in Children, primarily ages 1-4. I had no idea that there were over 200 deaths per year in the US in children that were unexplained. Probably not the best information for an already overprotective mom of a toddler, but I always said with Savannah, I wished I would have known better and I could have saved her life. I met parents of all of these categories and I was shocked at how there is no collection of data or studies of these statistics in an effort to trace trends and work towards prevention.
Remember the SIDS - Back to Sleep campaign of the early '90s? The rates of SIDS dropped dramatically within years because someone took the time to do some reasearch, study the statistics, and come up with an easy message to communicate to everyone. And it worked! Wouldn't it be great if preventing stillbirth was that easy?
Our large group broke and we met with groups from our State. Then we were off! First, we visited with Senator Jim Webb's Office. It was interesting because right down the hall is Senator John McCain's Office. I was a HUGE McCain/Palin supporter, and I almost was in shock and I walked past him. I was so close I literally could have knocked him down. You would have thought I was a teenager meeting N'Sync or some great movie star. I had my camera in hand too but I couldn't register until I got into Senator Webb's Office. I texted my husband and tried to re-focus on the task at hand. I did peek back out to make sure it was really him. It was.
The meeting with Senator Webb's office went really well. I had done some thorough research into Senator Webb and his family. Interstingly, he has a daughter who is 4, a very cute girl named Georgia. How tragic to think that even his daughter could fall victim to a totally random statistic of SUDC. Then we met with Senator Mark Warner's Office. These meetings were fairly routine. We talked about the Bill, then told our stories, and emphasized why becoming a co-sponsor was so important. I tried not to think about how we were meeting with Democrats. I have thick Republican Blood running through my veins but I had to put all that aside for the greater good of this Bill.
We had lunch and then it was off to meetings with the Congressmen. We met with around 4 or 5 different offices. The meeting with my Congressman, Rob Wittman, was the last one of the day. Wouldn't you know that it was probably the most successful meeting AND I got a photo opp!
As I drove home (quickly so that Eric could make it to work), I thought about the day and all that had been accomplished. I will never know if my making the journey did anything, but I know it did more than if I had spent the day at home crying in bed. No matter what day it is or what's going on, I strive to be a good Mommy to Savannah and to make her proud. She deserves nothing less. While her death could have easily been prevented, so many others are not. I just know if we could get this Bill passed, it would be a great start and doesn't everything have to start somewhere?
Please read this link to the Bill and email your Congressman or Congresswoman as well as your Senators and let them know how these issues have impacted your life. Please urge them to support and co-sponsor this bill. Every little bit helps make a difference.
http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h3212/show
Happy Birthday, Savannah. You are so loved!
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