Savannah's Life ~ nearly 3 years later

As we are approaching Savannah's 3rd Birthday in Heaven, I have been reflecting on her life and how it changed me and the lives of so many others.  As I write this, I am still unsure of where I am in the grieving cycle.  I still have bad days and sad days; days when I would give anything to go back in time to May 17th and done something to save her life.

Nearly 3 years later, I have felt a need to release ~ to release some of the anger, release the hurt, release the pain, release the anxiety, release the sadness, and release the grief.  I give it all over to God to guide my heart and my life just a little closer to Him.  I try not to think about the sadness of what was lost in Savannah's life and replace it with gratitude for the time that we did have and what her brief life brought into your world and our hearts.

Savannah is at peace in a world with no pain and no sorrow and although we feel those things here, we look forward to the day when we can all be reunited together again as a family for all of eternity.

I have written about this before, but each of us has purpose and meaning to our lives.  Savannah fulfilled God's purpose, but we still have work to do.  There are people to help, strangers to become friends, and hurts to heal.  We each have a mission.  What is yours and how do you plan to use your life to fulfill it?

Tomorrow, we will gather with friends and family to Welcome Irelynn to the World.  It is bittersweet in many ways, but mostly because we will gather to celebrate Irelynn's life in the same place where we last gathered with friends and family following Savannah's funeral almost 3 years ago.

Cherish each moment with your family and remember to always be thankful for your blessings in life.  If you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, clothes in your closet, and the love of family and friends, then you are truly blessed.

~ Shannon

Where does being "right" really get us?

I have often wondered where does being in the right really get you at the end of the day?  You can have all the facts and have all of your ducks in a row, only to point out someone else's faults or shortcomings or beliefs.  Maybe you proved your point, but at what cost?  What good comes out of being right?

In life, we are taught not to be "righteous."  What does that even mean really?  Dictionary.com defines righteous as (1) morally right or justifiable of a person or conduct (2) perfectly wonderful, fine and genuine.  I could make lots of arguements about situations (I'm sure we all could) about times and situations and conflicts where we were right.  Whether it was a decision by a friend that you found to be hurtful or political views or a situation involving someone else's family, there are lots of times when we only have our eyes open to our views and nothing can stray us from that strong belief.  I have often been called strong-willed and opinionated and full of convictions.  I always thought this was a good thing and something that defines me as a person.  I have no problem telling off someone who stole my parking spot at the commissary or who cut in front of my grandmother at line at the grocery store or even the doctors at the hospital where Savannah was born.

I think we can all agree that my blame towards that doctor and the hospital is rightly so, but at the end of the day, what good comes from it?  Being right about sensing something was wrong didn't prevent Savannah's death.  I can't make her come back.  Monday quarter-backing only does so much since we can't go back and re-do anything.  The self-blame that I feel over what happened is something that I can never let go of and don't get me wrong ~ I rightfully so blame that doctor.  But what good does it do?  Does it put me ahead of anyone else?

Calling out a friend on a decision that she made that was hurtful to me, making her feel bad about herself and pointing out a mistake ~ really, what good did that do?  How many times have I said or done something stupid and been fortunate enough to have friends and family that love me and we able to give me a pass?  Why can't I do that to others?  Why is it so important to be right in an argument?  What did I really succeed in doing, other than making someone else whom I care about feel badly about their thoughts or words or actions?

In dealing with my grief, I cannot let the ignorant things that others say get to me and in the same respect, I should not feel free to tell them so.  I need to continue to practice restraint and reflection and thinking before I speak or act.  Do I really need to honk at that person who cut me off?  At the end of the day, what good came from all of that nonesense?  It certainly isn't something I want to teach my children and it doesn't reflect well upon me as a member of society.

I think this is a good lesson for everyone to learn ~ think before you act or speak and really reflect on all the times people gave you passes when you said or did something that you're not proud of and make sure to give those passes away freely to others.  Being right does not make you a better person and at the end of the day, being righteous only makes for a close-minded person.  Make sure to practice lots of unconditional love.  Now that is something I want to teach my children and a personality trait I want to be known for!  :)

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!!
~ Shannon