I have often wondered where does being in the right really get you at the end of the day? You can have all the facts and have all of your ducks in a row, only to point out someone else's faults or shortcomings or beliefs. Maybe you proved your point, but at what cost? What good comes out of being right?
In life, we are taught not to be "righteous." What does that even mean really? Dictionary.com defines righteous as (1) morally right or justifiable of a person or conduct (2) perfectly wonderful, fine and genuine. I could make lots of arguements about situations (I'm sure we all could) about times and situations and conflicts where we were right. Whether it was a decision by a friend that you found to be hurtful or political views or a situation involving someone else's family, there are lots of times when we only have our eyes open to our views and nothing can stray us from that strong belief. I have often been called strong-willed and opinionated and full of convictions. I always thought this was a good thing and something that defines me as a person. I have no problem telling off someone who stole my parking spot at the commissary or who cut in front of my grandmother at line at the grocery store or even the doctors at the hospital where Savannah was born.
I think we can all agree that my blame towards that doctor and the hospital is rightly so, but at the end of the day, what good comes from it? Being right about sensing something was wrong didn't prevent Savannah's death. I can't make her come back. Monday quarter-backing only does so much since we can't go back and re-do anything. The self-blame that I feel over what happened is something that I can never let go of and don't get me wrong ~ I rightfully so blame that doctor. But what good does it do? Does it put me ahead of anyone else?
Calling out a friend on a decision that she made that was hurtful to me, making her feel bad about herself and pointing out a mistake ~ really, what good did that do? How many times have I said or done something stupid and been fortunate enough to have friends and family that love me and we able to give me a pass? Why can't I do that to others? Why is it so important to be right in an argument? What did I really succeed in doing, other than making someone else whom I care about feel badly about their thoughts or words or actions?
In dealing with my grief, I cannot let the ignorant things that others say get to me and in the same respect, I should not feel free to tell them so. I need to continue to practice restraint and reflection and thinking before I speak or act. Do I really need to honk at that person who cut me off? At the end of the day, what good came from all of that nonesense? It certainly isn't something I want to teach my children and it doesn't reflect well upon me as a member of society.
I think this is a good lesson for everyone to learn ~ think before you act or speak and really reflect on all the times people gave you passes when you said or did something that you're not proud of and make sure to give those passes away freely to others. Being right does not make you a better person and at the end of the day, being righteous only makes for a close-minded person. Make sure to practice lots of unconditional love. Now that is something I want to teach my children and a personality trait I want to be known for! :)
Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!!
~ Shannon
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Bring on the Fall!
It is the time of year that I used to hate as a child ~ going back to school. I remember being so anxious and worried about my clothes and hair and having brand name school supplies. At least to me at the time, that was most important. Although, I went to private school and wore a uniform, so more important than brand name clothes was having trendy shoes. This was a hard feat to accomplish growing up, although having 2 older sisters didn't hurt. I got a lot of hand-me-downs or re-runs as I used to call them. As a parent, I remember these things growing up and go to quite a bit of trouble to make sure that Jeremy has K-swiss tennis shoes and brand name clothing and backpacks. Does this make me a snob? I suppose, but there are worse things to be called, right?
Also, as a parent, I find this time of year very exciting. I absolutely loved having my son home but I am eager for him to learn and become the person I know he can be and sadly, since I was not blessed with the patience or skills of being a teacher, I sent him to the professionals at school. I am eager to see how he will continue to change and grow and prosper in school and in life.
The past few weeks have been very exciting and challenging simultaneously. Our foster daughter is continueing to grow and excel in our home. We have had the worst part of the evaluations done this past week and the less invasive and more standard exams are up this next week. She has been poked and prodded and to me, almost abused all over again. I have seen things I have never wanted to see and heard stories that no mom should ever have to hear. But they are a thing of the past!
As a foster parent, we had to take our beautiful foster daughter to social services for visits with her parents. First up was her mother, mom's boyfriend, and her brother, who we got to know briefly from staying with us. I received a brief glimpse as to what this little girls life was like for the past 2.5 years and it broke my heart. Any of you who know me and really know me, you know I am not a crier. It takes a lot to bring on tears and usually it is done in private. In a dark room with double pane glass I had the priviledge of watching the interactions and I have never wanted to jump through glass and rescue someone as badly as I did last week. And what got me most upset is that these people knew they were bring watched and were on their best behavior! The audacity of the mom's boyfriend to suggest that we start introducing her to the musical potty seat they had bought for her. Are you kidding me? What about the fact that this child does not eat any solid foods, walk, or talk, or has some obvious medical concerns? Potty training is the furthest thing from my mind!! They really didn't even seem to care that she was even in the room.
After that visit was complete, there was another visit with her dad. This broke my heart because her dad, as disabled as he was, got right down on the floor at eye level and interacted the entire visit. He brought her a book as a gift and provided the social worker with a whole photo album of pictures including her birth pictures in the hospital. He was so proud of his daughter and to my shock, when he said "No, No," she stopped what she was doing and responded to him. He whipped out his cell phone camera and began taking pictures. You could just tell that he genuinely cared about her. Even when she grabbed his cane, and in play, smacked him really hard across the head with the cane, he didn't react or yell at her. To me, that is a real dad! I am not sure how much I am allowed to say, so I will stop here.
We also had her tested developmentally and all of her scores were between a 4 month and 11 month old. We had her tested for genetic abnormalities because she has some interesting features and did not resemble mom at all. I was relieved to see that she does resemble dad quite a bit. So we are very hopeful that everything will come back negative, but it is always good to be able to rule things out when assessing this type of situation.
Last weekend, we attended 2 birthday parties! The first was a pool party and I was nervous about how our foster daughter would do in the water. She was hesistant at first, but soon warmed right up. I knew it would be good exercise for her little legs and it was a small enough pool so that in a netted inflatable, she would be safe and always within arms length, but still able to float freely and explore a little bit. I had purchased 2 bathing suits, but not knowing very much about little girls sizing, I trusted the tag on the hanger and didn't question it. That morning, I pulled out my 2 adorable swimsuits to discover that one was a 9 month size and the other was an 18 month size. Thank goodness I have a good friend with 3 daughters who was able to lend me an extra swimsuit for the day!
I continue to receive compliments from friends, family, and strangers alike about how much she looks like Jeremy. I am learning to smile and enjoy it. We have fallen in love with her and are eager to fill her emotional voids from the last several years. AND, after throwing Jeremy a great 3rd Birthday Party, I get to throw her HER own Birthday Party! Since she has never had solid foods, she has likely never had cake! I cannot wait to see how she does.
Many people have asked about pictures. We are not allowed to share any pictures on Facebook but I am not sure about blogs. I would assume it is the same. We have an email list going around, so let me know if you would like to have your name added to it. For some reason, hotmail addresses all seem to get returned to me.
On another note, I received the most thoughtful and heartwarming gift from my good friend, Laura. We were best friends in high school at Regina Dominican in Wilmette, IL. Throughout the last 15+ years we have moved several times and gone through many life changes, but somehow always managed to stay in touch. In fact, we were able to keep our high school pact of being each other's maid of honor in our weddings. And we got married 6 months apart! I love her dearly and consider her family.
Laura has been working on her artwork. I knew that this was a passion, but similar to my dreams of dance, becoming a wife and mom takes a priority and any individual interests seem to fall to the back burner until retirement age. Not Laura! She has developed her skills and talents and has sold some of her pieces at local art shows. I was honored that she chose to make a masterpiece for me in honor of Savannah. It is a ballerina tutu with ballet shoes and ribbons. The shoes are in the shape of a heart and the ribbons have Savannah's name on it. It is so special and meaningful to us because it reminds us of our Ballerina, dancing among the Angels in Heaven. To us, it is not just a painting. It is a constant reminder similiar to a cross in Church or a picture in your wallet. It is amazing and we placed it somewhere where it would always been seen.
We finished the week by taking a family trip to Water Country, the local waterpark. Since it closes for the season on Labor Day, I knew our time was limited if we were going to try it out. I was nervous that it might be overstimulation for her and chaotic since there are always so many other kids. AND, being that it was the end of August, it was very difficult to find any type of swimsuit at all, much less one in her size. I was able to find one at Target on clearance for $4.98. I know some of you who know me really well and probably even some of you who don't, but this really was the ONLY swimsuit I could find anywhere and it just happened to be ballerina. I swear this was not planned. Besides, summer is almost over and then I can start fresh in the spring. Stop rolling your eyes!! I wish I could share a picture or several or a handful of the over 300 I have taken over the last 18 days, but until I ask about what the rules are, we don't want to do anything to jeapordize her privacy. It took me no time to find her mom's FB page or mug shot online, so I'm sure if she tried hard enough, she could find my blog. Our priority needs to be protecting her privacy, which is why I have not mentioned her name.
So enjoy these last few days of summer! I know we will but we are looking forward to the school year ahead ~ the holidays, the birthdays, and showering our foster daughter with everything her life has lacked - mostly love and attention. The improvements are coming fast and I think it is only a short time before she will be walking unassisted. I am very hopeful and so are the doctors that her legs and feet will straighten out on their own and she won't need leg braces. Her teeth are nothing that a good cleaning and later down the road braces cannot fix. I just cannot wait to see the progress and growth of this young lady in the weeks and months ahead. I am confident that she will overcome each and every hurdle and grow up to lead a normal, happy, and healthy life. And if people want to think that she and Jeremy are twins ~ I'll take it! You won't believe the Halloween costumes that have already been purchased and the coordinating outfits for Christmas Cards!!
Thank you for bringing our family into your lives and hearts. Each new day brings about new challenges and opportunities but many joys and much happiness as well. We are so blessed to have each other and as much as our foster daughter is blessed to have us, we are so blessed to have her in our lives.
Stay tuned!!
Also, as a parent, I find this time of year very exciting. I absolutely loved having my son home but I am eager for him to learn and become the person I know he can be and sadly, since I was not blessed with the patience or skills of being a teacher, I sent him to the professionals at school. I am eager to see how he will continue to change and grow and prosper in school and in life.
The past few weeks have been very exciting and challenging simultaneously. Our foster daughter is continueing to grow and excel in our home. We have had the worst part of the evaluations done this past week and the less invasive and more standard exams are up this next week. She has been poked and prodded and to me, almost abused all over again. I have seen things I have never wanted to see and heard stories that no mom should ever have to hear. But they are a thing of the past!
As a foster parent, we had to take our beautiful foster daughter to social services for visits with her parents. First up was her mother, mom's boyfriend, and her brother, who we got to know briefly from staying with us. I received a brief glimpse as to what this little girls life was like for the past 2.5 years and it broke my heart. Any of you who know me and really know me, you know I am not a crier. It takes a lot to bring on tears and usually it is done in private. In a dark room with double pane glass I had the priviledge of watching the interactions and I have never wanted to jump through glass and rescue someone as badly as I did last week. And what got me most upset is that these people knew they were bring watched and were on their best behavior! The audacity of the mom's boyfriend to suggest that we start introducing her to the musical potty seat they had bought for her. Are you kidding me? What about the fact that this child does not eat any solid foods, walk, or talk, or has some obvious medical concerns? Potty training is the furthest thing from my mind!! They really didn't even seem to care that she was even in the room.
After that visit was complete, there was another visit with her dad. This broke my heart because her dad, as disabled as he was, got right down on the floor at eye level and interacted the entire visit. He brought her a book as a gift and provided the social worker with a whole photo album of pictures including her birth pictures in the hospital. He was so proud of his daughter and to my shock, when he said "No, No," she stopped what she was doing and responded to him. He whipped out his cell phone camera and began taking pictures. You could just tell that he genuinely cared about her. Even when she grabbed his cane, and in play, smacked him really hard across the head with the cane, he didn't react or yell at her. To me, that is a real dad! I am not sure how much I am allowed to say, so I will stop here.
We also had her tested developmentally and all of her scores were between a 4 month and 11 month old. We had her tested for genetic abnormalities because she has some interesting features and did not resemble mom at all. I was relieved to see that she does resemble dad quite a bit. So we are very hopeful that everything will come back negative, but it is always good to be able to rule things out when assessing this type of situation.
Last weekend, we attended 2 birthday parties! The first was a pool party and I was nervous about how our foster daughter would do in the water. She was hesistant at first, but soon warmed right up. I knew it would be good exercise for her little legs and it was a small enough pool so that in a netted inflatable, she would be safe and always within arms length, but still able to float freely and explore a little bit. I had purchased 2 bathing suits, but not knowing very much about little girls sizing, I trusted the tag on the hanger and didn't question it. That morning, I pulled out my 2 adorable swimsuits to discover that one was a 9 month size and the other was an 18 month size. Thank goodness I have a good friend with 3 daughters who was able to lend me an extra swimsuit for the day!
I continue to receive compliments from friends, family, and strangers alike about how much she looks like Jeremy. I am learning to smile and enjoy it. We have fallen in love with her and are eager to fill her emotional voids from the last several years. AND, after throwing Jeremy a great 3rd Birthday Party, I get to throw her HER own Birthday Party! Since she has never had solid foods, she has likely never had cake! I cannot wait to see how she does.
Many people have asked about pictures. We are not allowed to share any pictures on Facebook but I am not sure about blogs. I would assume it is the same. We have an email list going around, so let me know if you would like to have your name added to it. For some reason, hotmail addresses all seem to get returned to me.
On another note, I received the most thoughtful and heartwarming gift from my good friend, Laura. We were best friends in high school at Regina Dominican in Wilmette, IL. Throughout the last 15+ years we have moved several times and gone through many life changes, but somehow always managed to stay in touch. In fact, we were able to keep our high school pact of being each other's maid of honor in our weddings. And we got married 6 months apart! I love her dearly and consider her family.
Laura has been working on her artwork. I knew that this was a passion, but similar to my dreams of dance, becoming a wife and mom takes a priority and any individual interests seem to fall to the back burner until retirement age. Not Laura! She has developed her skills and talents and has sold some of her pieces at local art shows. I was honored that she chose to make a masterpiece for me in honor of Savannah. It is a ballerina tutu with ballet shoes and ribbons. The shoes are in the shape of a heart and the ribbons have Savannah's name on it. It is so special and meaningful to us because it reminds us of our Ballerina, dancing among the Angels in Heaven. To us, it is not just a painting. It is a constant reminder similiar to a cross in Church or a picture in your wallet. It is amazing and we placed it somewhere where it would always been seen.
We finished the week by taking a family trip to Water Country, the local waterpark. Since it closes for the season on Labor Day, I knew our time was limited if we were going to try it out. I was nervous that it might be overstimulation for her and chaotic since there are always so many other kids. AND, being that it was the end of August, it was very difficult to find any type of swimsuit at all, much less one in her size. I was able to find one at Target on clearance for $4.98. I know some of you who know me really well and probably even some of you who don't, but this really was the ONLY swimsuit I could find anywhere and it just happened to be ballerina. I swear this was not planned. Besides, summer is almost over and then I can start fresh in the spring. Stop rolling your eyes!! I wish I could share a picture or several or a handful of the over 300 I have taken over the last 18 days, but until I ask about what the rules are, we don't want to do anything to jeapordize her privacy. It took me no time to find her mom's FB page or mug shot online, so I'm sure if she tried hard enough, she could find my blog. Our priority needs to be protecting her privacy, which is why I have not mentioned her name.
So enjoy these last few days of summer! I know we will but we are looking forward to the school year ahead ~ the holidays, the birthdays, and showering our foster daughter with everything her life has lacked - mostly love and attention. The improvements are coming fast and I think it is only a short time before she will be walking unassisted. I am very hopeful and so are the doctors that her legs and feet will straighten out on their own and she won't need leg braces. Her teeth are nothing that a good cleaning and later down the road braces cannot fix. I just cannot wait to see the progress and growth of this young lady in the weeks and months ahead. I am confident that she will overcome each and every hurdle and grow up to lead a normal, happy, and healthy life. And if people want to think that she and Jeremy are twins ~ I'll take it! You won't believe the Halloween costumes that have already been purchased and the coordinating outfits for Christmas Cards!!
Thank you for bringing our family into your lives and hearts. Each new day brings about new challenges and opportunities but many joys and much happiness as well. We are so blessed to have each other and as much as our foster daughter is blessed to have us, we are so blessed to have her in our lives.
Stay tuned!!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Vacation Bible School
This summer, I signed Jeremy up for a few different camps that I thought would be of interest to him. A lot of people have questioned why I do this, so let me begin my explaining my thought process. I am not a teacher. Many times, I have questioned why I was so interested in business if I was going to have children. If I had known, maybe I would have chosen a different career path. I didn't, so this is where we are today. Because Jeremy is an only child AND because I am not a teacher, there are limits to what I can give him as a child. For example, I want him to be very social and have lots of interests. Since we don't have any other children right now, these activites keep him going. He did very well in his 2 year preschool and overcame his speech delays after only 5 months in school. He is very interested in gymnastics so we did 2 weeks of gymnastics camp. Anyway, we heard about Vacation Bible School at Church a few weeks ago and inquired about the age range. They told us preschool so we signed him up. He is one of the younger ones, but since he did go to school, he knows how to listen to other adults, wait his turn, keep his hands to himself, and follow instructions.
Monday, my husband and I took Jeremy for the 1st day. There was so much singing and dancing! It looks like so much fun. When I picked him up, the teacher said he did very well, didn't have any potty accidents, and was such a pleasure. I was impressed. The second day went well too. I would arrive about 15 minutes early each day to watch the group prayer, singing, and dancing. I wished there was a Vacation Bible Camp around when I was a kid!
Wednesday, I dropped of Jeremy and talked to the Director. I asked her if I could help for next year. Her response was, "Yes, but I could really use your help today and for the rest of this week." I told her I had a dentist appointment but I would come back. When I returned, I went to the office and asked her what I could do to help. She asked my name and I told her. Now, many people in our parrish know of me and my husband because of Savannah, but they may not be able to associate our names with our faces. Again, she said, "I've heard that name before." I responded, "Yes, Savannah was my daughter." That's all that needed to be said for her to get it. She quickly put me to work!
I was put as the adult leader wtih the 3rd graders. They had two teen helpers but no adult leader. The kids were so well behaved and I was so impressed by how well run the program was. Each morning for the gathering activities, we practiced our dancing and singing to that music that I thought was so cool the 1st day. By the end of the week, the music wasn't so cool anymore. In fact, I found myself practicing the movements in my sleep.
Yes, that is Jeremy holding up the "R" for the special word of the day! And yes, I am one of those annoying moms who snaps pictures of everything my child does.
It was a great experience for me. There were lots of other things I could have been doing while Jeremy was at camp, but I feel good about knowing that I was right where God wanted me to be. The simple messages that were taught: Trust God, Love Never Fails, Care for Others, and Share your Faith ~ these apply not only this week but each and every day. Throughout the past 15 months, I haven't always trusted God. In fact, I have questioned him and repeatedly. Why was Savannah taken from us? Why can't I get pregnant again? What did I do wrong in my life to deserve this? Why do other people have beautiful children only to hurt and abuse them? Why did you let Savannah die? Some of this is part of the normal grieving process. I understand that I will not know the answers to any of these questions.
I also know that I have many blessings, and the most important one is love. I have a husband who loves me and accepts me. He doesn't care whether I am a size 4 or size 14 (I have been both and all sizes in between in the last 5 months). He doesn't care if my makeup is on or my hair is fixed perfect. He loves me for who I am ~ unconditionally. I have been blessed with Jeremy, the light of my life. That little boy makes me smile each and every day. The only type of love he knows is unconditional, whether it's for our kitten, Oreo, or the homeless man that hangs out at Farm Fresh. The teaching is something I need to remember ~ Love Never Fails. Savannah loves our family and we love her. Our love for her and each other and our love for God will never fail.
So, the moral of this story is that teachings are not just for the kids. Even an old person like me (and I feel very old because I've been hanging out with 3rd graders and 2 teenagers) can learn something from Vacation Bible School. And yes, I will be sporting my dance moves tonight at the Closing Ceremony. And I might even let Jeremy keep the CD of that annoying music.
"Hope is a renewable option: If you run out of it at the end of the day, you get to start over in the morning."
Until next time, remember to count your blessings.
Blessings,
Shannon
Monday, my husband and I took Jeremy for the 1st day. There was so much singing and dancing! It looks like so much fun. When I picked him up, the teacher said he did very well, didn't have any potty accidents, and was such a pleasure. I was impressed. The second day went well too. I would arrive about 15 minutes early each day to watch the group prayer, singing, and dancing. I wished there was a Vacation Bible Camp around when I was a kid!
Wednesday, I dropped of Jeremy and talked to the Director. I asked her if I could help for next year. Her response was, "Yes, but I could really use your help today and for the rest of this week." I told her I had a dentist appointment but I would come back. When I returned, I went to the office and asked her what I could do to help. She asked my name and I told her. Now, many people in our parrish know of me and my husband because of Savannah, but they may not be able to associate our names with our faces. Again, she said, "I've heard that name before." I responded, "Yes, Savannah was my daughter." That's all that needed to be said for her to get it. She quickly put me to work!
I was put as the adult leader wtih the 3rd graders. They had two teen helpers but no adult leader. The kids were so well behaved and I was so impressed by how well run the program was. Each morning for the gathering activities, we practiced our dancing and singing to that music that I thought was so cool the 1st day. By the end of the week, the music wasn't so cool anymore. In fact, I found myself practicing the movements in my sleep.
Yes, that is Jeremy holding up the "R" for the special word of the day! And yes, I am one of those annoying moms who snaps pictures of everything my child does.
It was a great experience for me. There were lots of other things I could have been doing while Jeremy was at camp, but I feel good about knowing that I was right where God wanted me to be. The simple messages that were taught: Trust God, Love Never Fails, Care for Others, and Share your Faith ~ these apply not only this week but each and every day. Throughout the past 15 months, I haven't always trusted God. In fact, I have questioned him and repeatedly. Why was Savannah taken from us? Why can't I get pregnant again? What did I do wrong in my life to deserve this? Why do other people have beautiful children only to hurt and abuse them? Why did you let Savannah die? Some of this is part of the normal grieving process. I understand that I will not know the answers to any of these questions.
I also know that I have many blessings, and the most important one is love. I have a husband who loves me and accepts me. He doesn't care whether I am a size 4 or size 14 (I have been both and all sizes in between in the last 5 months). He doesn't care if my makeup is on or my hair is fixed perfect. He loves me for who I am ~ unconditionally. I have been blessed with Jeremy, the light of my life. That little boy makes me smile each and every day. The only type of love he knows is unconditional, whether it's for our kitten, Oreo, or the homeless man that hangs out at Farm Fresh. The teaching is something I need to remember ~ Love Never Fails. Savannah loves our family and we love her. Our love for her and each other and our love for God will never fail.
So, the moral of this story is that teachings are not just for the kids. Even an old person like me (and I feel very old because I've been hanging out with 3rd graders and 2 teenagers) can learn something from Vacation Bible School. And yes, I will be sporting my dance moves tonight at the Closing Ceremony. And I might even let Jeremy keep the CD of that annoying music.
"Hope is a renewable option: If you run out of it at the end of the day, you get to start over in the morning."
Until next time, remember to count your blessings.
Blessings,
Shannon
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